The old man has been sighted. He was rinsing off his truck. Clad in a denim shirt, denim jeans, and white high-tops. With his white hair on top, he almost resembled a q-tip. A denim-shafted q-tip. So, in the wake of his vacation, he's starting to come around like the rest of us do by getting back to what he does best. Good for him.
He's probably noticed by now that I've started a little project in my own yard, which is about 50 yards away, if he can see that far. After two weeks of some of the strangest people stopping by to look at the house in between the old man and me... I decided that it's time to step up the privacy. So, I bought a 6x8' fence panel and some arborvitae from Lowes, my former employer. Good for me that I know the plant specialist, so I got 50% off of these fuckers. Right. So, everything is in place. I've measured and contemplated exactly how I want to block future scumbags from seeing and hearing what I do in my yard and on my patio, and vice versa. See, the house is in (or is it "under") foreclosure now, so that means that just about any fucking asshole with some drug money income can move in next door and fuck up this whole good thing I have going on here. But I'm missing a very key tool at the moment. A post hole digger. I've asked around... texting friends, asking in text-speak if they have a "p-hole digger," which I immediately realized was pretty funny because I was talking about p-holes. So, just for fun, when each person has replied "no, sorry" I've replied, "well, what about just a p-hole?" Hardy fucking harrrr. Now, my dad has chimed in because he found out about this blog through his fiancee. Hi Lisa! And yesterday he started to grill me... "Why don't you just give it some time and you'll meet this old man and blah blah blah blah....." And of course, "I bet HE has a post hole digger." Of course he does. But I don't want to use his. I doubt he wants me using his. Lisa, if you're reading, please reiterate to my old man that I DON'T WANT TO KNOW HIM NOW!! I have way more fun imagining who he is and writing about it! He's a fucking Q-tip for God's sake!!!!
So, pretty soon the p-hole digger will come along and my privacy scheme will be complete. Those future motherfucking neighbor assholes with their clandestine activity can keep it on their side of the god damn fence. And they can leave my cat alone too. I'm preparing for the worst. And as I do, I realize how quickly a neighborhood can change. And it's a reality that my old man neighbor counterpart knows too well ever since I moved in. As for now, I'll continue to be the motherfucking neighbor asshole with my clandestine activities. Cheers!
Until next time...
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